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Showing posts from 2018

Husker Balloon Released from Memorial Stadium Discovered on Mars

Lincoln, NE - While it's not uncommon for one of the thousands of red balloons released at every Nebraska football home game to wind up far from home in places such as Michigan and even New York , Friday afternoon's discovery by NASA's Curiosity rover easily takes the cake. NASA has confirmed that on Friday afternoon its Curiosity rover had come across one of the balloons on the surface of Mars. The iconic block N can be clearly seen in the photo released by NASA. The photo released by NASA on Friday November 16, 2018. "We know balloons are capable of traveling incredibly long distances over short amounts of time, but this is something else," NASA spokesperson George Diller said. "We're not even mad. That's amazing." Environmental groups from around the nation were quick to point to this discovery as an example of environmental damage massive balloon releases can cause, even to a planet that has been largely untouched by humans. &quo

Football: The Ultimate Litmus Test for a Relationship

Let me put on my angry old man hat for a moment and rant about the youngins'. I know, I know. Two weeks ago  I wrote a satirical blog making fun of those who blame younger generations for everything, but the student attendance the last 2 home games has been abysmal. Just putrid. My memories of going to Nebraska games stretches to the early 2000s and I can never remember a game in which that many students were absent. Maybe a few times the upper 3-5 rows were empty but that was it. Now I recognize not everyone is as die-hard as me, nor should everyone be, but I've made some tough calls to make sure I haven't missed Husker games in my short time on Earth so the old "it was too cold and too early" excuse doesn't really fly for me. That being said, kudos to the students who actually did show up. It is very appreciated and any criticism levied at student fans does not apply to them. Anyway semi-related story time. In 2010 I was a sophomore in high school a

Report: Only Nebraska had Millennials on its Roster the Last 15 Years

Lincoln, NE - While it has long been speculated by many that the decline of Nebraska football was due to be a mixture of infighting among university higher ups, questionable coaching hires and a de-emphasis on things such as strength training and the walk-on program, a new report released Friday morning suggests the entire Millennial generation may be to blame. According to the bombshell report, only Nebraska and a few other programs such as Kansas, Illinois, Rutgers and Vanderbilt actually had any millennials on its roster over the last 15 years. The report appears to be validation for some among the state's Baby Boomer and Gen X population who have vehemently sworn that the decline of one the NCAA's all time winning-est football programs to be at the hands of the lazy, whiny and entitled millennial generation. "My son should have known better when accepting all those participation trophies I gave him," said Bobby Boomer (56) a resident of Ord. "If he&#

Story Time: Go Big Red from the Alamo

Husker nation. Take a bow. 89,272 for an 0-6 team. No one else does that. Being a part of a community is what I love most about being a Nebraska fan. When the darkness of a 10 game losing streak became suffocating it's what kept me sane. It's why I always make an effort to wear Nebraska shirts when I travel because chances are I will run into at least one another Husker fan during the trip and spark a short conversation. Alright, so story time. By far my favorite Husker interaction away from home though came just outside the Alamo in San Antonio during the summer of 2013. I was there as a high schooler with a church group for the LCMS Youth Gathering, an event attracting around 30,000 young Lutherans from around the country. All the groups from around Nebraska created a common shirt so we would recognize each other. As it turned out, when we made our way to visit the Alamo there was already a few large groups of Nebraskans hanging around the square, probably betw

Growing up in the Post Championship Era: The Art of Sitting Through Bad Football

All I wanted was those damn nachos. My parents, worn down by my crying, worn down by the throat stomping the Miami Hurricanes had given us, finally relented at halftime. As the final 30 minutes of Nebraska’s most recent National Championship appearance kicked off, I was happily crunching on crispy round tortilla chips dipped in gooey industrial strength nacho cheese while the rest of Husker nation was foaming at the mouth on that night of January 3 rd , 2002.  At the time, Nebraska had only ever lost 10 games in my 7 years of life. Yeah, they were about to suffer loss #11, but I wasn't worried. Nebraska was going to be elite as long as the Pope remained Catholic, right? Turns out I grew up in that brief nexus of time in which I could faintly remember Nebraska’s glory years, just enough to get me hooked, but was then forced by the ATHLETIC DIRECTOR WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED to grow up watching the Callahan Era. I just barely missed the bus and it hurts all the more bec

Ann Arbor Road Trip: A Clockwork Red

In a weird way, sitting in the middle of the Big House surrounded on all sides by Michigan fans while being subjected to Dr. Khaki's own personal brand of the Ludovico technique wasn't as bad as it sounds. It was still awful, don't get me wrong, but it was more of the "Wow! I've been throat stomped so many times that this doesn't hurt nearly as bad as it used to!" kind of awful. It still hurts, but hey, I've lost so much blood by now that I think I'm going to pass out soon! Hooray!  Of course, like during many of Nebraska's recent blowout losses, I wasn't physically bound to a chair with my eyes forced open by a pair of metal pincers. I could have left any time I wanted to. The only restraints placed on me were the mental ones, the fiber of my being which refuses to leave early or stop watching no matter how bad it gets. And unlike the last 2 Ohio State debacles, we actually got to see what Michigan's punter looks like! He lo

No, the Bombs Aren't Falling on Nebraska Football

There was a moment last Saturday when the worst case scenario flashed through my head. 0-11 And it was also at that moment that I realized I had underestimated the enormity of Scott Frost's task here in Nebraska. I had to remind myself that the last time Nebraska had a team as bad as Mike Riley's 2017 team kids were doing Duck & Cover drills in class to "protect" themselves from the inevitable arrival of Soviet nuclear bombs. I can easily imagine some Nebraska fans in 1957 sitting through some awful blowout loss looking up to the sky in the middle of the 3rd quarter and screaming "C'mon Nikita! Just nuke us already!" Not many, myself included, took into account hard hard it is to completely erase bad habits and the mentality of going into every game expecting the lose & lose big. And while Frost and staff may have been able to put a charge of confidence into these players, when you're defending a 3rd & long with the game poten

On My Mission to Visit Every Big 12 Stadium I'm Glad I Never Made it to Boulder.

Imagine this, it's Christmas morning and you begin creeping down the stairs, adorable little footy pajamas and all. Waiting under the tree is a big present wrapped in red with a bow on top and draped in ribbons. You know what this present is. You've begged your parents for it all year and have been sneaking peeks at it in the upstairs closet every day for the last month. And now it's finally in your hands! The wrapping paper feels so sleek, perfectly stretched over the enormous box with no wrinkles. All the troubles tormenting your little 8 year old soul have melted away because you finally have this present clutched in your trembling pre-pubescent hands! HAHAHA SCREW YOU WORLD!!! You can't help but scream. You can't believe it. You're freaking out like the Nintendo 64 kid. And just as you begin to peel back the wrapping your parents come over and RIP THE BOX OUT OF YOUR HANDS, THROW IT INTO THE WOOD-CHIPPER THEY HAVE LYING AROUND THE LIVING ROOM FOR

A Whole New Generation is about to Learn How Fun Nebraska Football can be

Sam McKewon just had to go and steal my thunder . The day before the Frost Era began I was planning to write a blog post about how Nebraska was finally fun again. Call me crazy, but somehow I get the sneaking suspicion people more people read his column than will read this blog post so I'll give Sam a pass. This time. But what's truly exciting is that a whole generations of Husker fans, including myself, might be just about to learn how fun Nebraska football really can be. The last time Nebraska football was this fun, I fit into this! Yes, I've gained a lot of weight okay! Not all of us can keep our 3 year old figure. For the first time in 15 years, Nebraska has by far its best chance of achieving that level of fun it experienced from 1962-2001. You thought that Northwestern Hail Mary was fun??? Oh boy. BUCKLE UP. Nebraska football should and can be so much more fun than beating some 5-7 Kansas State clone on the last play of the game. In a few years we shoul

"Wait. What are you Doing with that Hedge Trimmer?" A Newcomer's Guide to Tales From the Heart of Huskerland

Hi I'm Jason and I'm a Husker football addict. I travel to road games, re-watch games from before I was born, follow recruiting, study schemes and have proudly brandished pitchforks and torches when the occasion demanded it. And I know I'm not alone. The crazed glint I see in my neighbor's eyes as he sharpens an old pair of hedge trimmers after every loss tells me so. This obsession we all call Nebraska football seems perfectly rational until you have to explain it to someone outside of the culture looking in. "What? You drove HOW many hours just to watch a football game?" I work in a small office in Omaha. We have another office location in Chicago. People in Chicago give you nervous, open-mouthed looks when you tell them the number one thing you want to do in their beautiful city is go to a Northwestern vs. Nebraska game. They then smile at you while aggressively pressing the panic button located under their desk when they find out you blog abou