Today We Watch Football. Tomorrow We Eat Fruit Loops.

Before the Fresno State game I wrote about how season openers are the most wonderful time of year because nothing has been ruined yet. As Nebraska marched toward 7-0, I think most of us proceeded with cautious optimism. Sure we were happy Nebraska was undefeated, but we all knew Illinois and Purdue weren't exactly going anywhere soon. Heck, even Oregon sucked.

Now Nebraska is looking a lot more like the Nebraska teams we're used to.

Nebraska has every excuse to lose this game. They have injuries galore, and as we saw in the Iowa game, they seem to have as much motivation as a dog going to wherever it is they go to get neutered. Probably the vet, I don't know.

If Mike Riley can somehow pull this off it will be one heck of a coaching job. But even if they win, well then whatever. We go 10-3. I guess that's cool.

I say the same thing whenever I get some self-help book I'm never going to read as a gift.

I guess that's cool.

Today we watch this game and then we trudge into the unforgiving abyss that is the off-season. It's a horrible place where football does not exist and we have to get our kicks watching *shudders* Nebrasketball.

Watching Nebrasketball, or any other sport for that matter, is like eating off-brand Fruit Loops. Sure, your mom says they're just as good, but we all know your mom is a liar trying to save a few measly pennies by buying you sub-par cereal.

But do you eat the off-brand Fruit Loops? Sure you do because it's better than nothing, but you just don't feel the same joy doing it.

Comments

To Break Nebraska Football Curse, Frank Solich to Sacrifice 'Lil Red at Halftime of Fordham Game

Lincoln, NE - After finding yet another Rock Bottom last week at Illinois, Nebraska football finds itself growing increasingly desperate to break the almost 2 decade curse that has befallen the program. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln announced this week that former Nebraska head coach Frank Solich would be returning to Memorial Stadium to perform a blood sacrifice of 'Lil Red while dressed as the original fan favorite "Blonde Herbie" during halftime of the Fordham game. "We thank 'Lil Red and the unfortunate student scheduled to play him this Saturday for their long service to this university," said new UNL Athletic Director Trev Alberts in a statement released on Friday. "But these are desperate times and 'Lil Red was always kind of stupid anyway." The source of the curse remains unknown, but its existence has long centered around 3 popular fan theories: 1. The introduction of 'Lil Red as a mascot 2. The retirement of "Blonde Her

BREAKTHROUGH: After Decades of 'N is for Knowledge,' World's Scientists Announce Creation of 2nd Nebraska Joke

After over four decades of milking the exact same joke about Nebraska football, the world's top scientists in every major field of research have come together to announce the creation of a 2nd joke. The original joke simply proclaims the 'N' on the side of Nebraska's football helmet stands for 'Knowledge.' They announced this breakthrough was the culmination of 10 years of collaborative research and over $250 billion spent. "Normally we'd spend that kind of time and resources on medical advances, technological breakthroughs, more efficient methods of engineering and manufacturing, but this joke had just gotten so stale. We eventually came to the conclusion that the best possible service we could do for society was to help them out of this rut," world-renowned quantum theorist Alain Aspect said. "I mean, come on! The joke doesn't even make sense. By the very structure of the joke, the joke teller is the one insisting the N stands for knowle

$5.8M in Brick Wall Related Damages Reported in Nebraska after Scott Frost Releases Hype Video

Lincoln, NE - The state of Nebraska is reeling Friday morning from devastation and destruction caused by a hype video released Thursday afternoon by Nebraska football head coach Scott Frost on Twitter, sending thousands of fans across the state sprinting straight through the nearest brick wall, severely threatening the structural integrity of countless buildings. pic.twitter.com/2BR8slArsW — Scott Frost (@coach_frost) June 20, 2019 "WHO YOU ARE SOME OF THE TIME IS WHO YOU ARE ALL OF THE TIME," screamed Hastings resident Derick Bachmeier as he plowed through the exterior wall of the local Russ' Market and straight into the produce section. Even residents as far as the Sand Hills found themselves caught up in the hype as Randy Grove, 64, drove over 45 minutes to find a brick wall to his liking with the specific intention of sprinting straight through it. "I mean sure there were some cavity brick walls nearby, as well as dry wall, wood paneling and all

Tales from the Heart of Huskerland

Search This Blog