That Time I Started a Nebraska Football Rumor and Made Everything Better

Yeah, this never happened.

Obviously.

Starting or spreading a rumor has never, ever improved a situation or benefited anyone.

What makes you think this time is any different?

Grow up.

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BREAKTHROUGH: After Decades of 'N is for Knowledge,' World's Scientists Announce Creation of 2nd Nebraska Joke

After over four decades of milking the exact same joke about Nebraska football, the world's top scientists in every major field of research have come together to announce the creation of a 2nd joke. The original joke simply proclaims the 'N' on the side of Nebraska's football helmet stands for 'Knowledge.' They announced this breakthrough was the culmination of 10 years of collaborative research and over $250 billion spent. "Normally we'd spend that kind of time and resources on medical advances, technological breakthroughs, more efficient methods of engineering and manufacturing, but this joke had just gotten so stale. We eventually came to the conclusion that the best possible service we could do for society was to help them out of this rut," world-renowned quantum theorist Alain Aspect said. "I mean, come on! The joke doesn't even make sense. By the very structure of the joke, the joke teller is the one insisting the N stands for knowle...

Lil' Red in Concussion Protocol after Jumping on Head

Lincoln, NE - The Nebraska football team will be without it's beloved inflatable toddler as it opens fall camp next week. The (Faux)maha World-Herald has confirmed Lil' Red has entered concussion protocol after multiple incidents of bouncing on his own head with absolutely no protection or safety equipment. It's been a rough offseason for Lil' Red, who has just finished recovering from multiple stab wounds received from a sect of deranged fans who believe that "sacrificing" the mascot would "break the curse" on Nebraska football. Lil' Red is entering his 20th season of eligibility for the Huskers and was expected to contribute as the 2nd man in the mascot tandem-bike routine. "It'll just be the next man up," Frost told reporters on Wednesday. Corn Cob Man is expected to go into fall camp as the starter. He hasn't seen game action for a few decades, but he's been "hungry" for his shot, he told reporters. "Sorr...

Ranking the Big Ten Baseball Stadiums

College baseball returns this week! Somebody wake up Kevin Warren and remind him that baseball is a sport that the Big Ten does, in fact, compete in. In the meantime, let's take a look at and rank the complete afterthoughts some members of this conference threw together when they remembered they had baseball teams. And yes, the word "stadiums" is a bit generous for some teams in this conference, but bear with me. And hey, in the last decade some members of this conference decided to actually start taking baseball seriously and built some stadiums that would be the envy of your local little leaguers. 14. Wisconsin Stadium Name: None Capacity: 0 Opened: Never Wisconsin cut their baseball program in 1991 due to budget constraints. This was very lame and they are the only Big Ten program without a baseball program. Since 1991, they have finished dead last in the conference every single season, except for the cancelled 2020 season, where they finished tied for last with every ...

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