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To Break Nebraska Football Curse, Frank Solich to Sacrifice 'Lil Red at Halftime of Fordham Game

Lincoln, NE - After finding yet another Rock Bottom last week at Illinois, Nebraska football finds itself growing increasingly desperate to break the almost 2 decade curse that has befallen the program. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln announced this week that former Nebraska head coach Frank Solich would be returning to Memorial Stadium to perform a blood sacrifice of 'Lil Red while dressed as the original fan favorite "Blonde Herbie" during halftime of the Fordham game. 

"We thank 'Lil Red and the unfortunate student scheduled to play him this Saturday for their long service to this university," said new UNL Athletic Director Trev Alberts in a statement released on Friday. "But these are desperate times and 'Lil Red was always kind of stupid anyway."

The source of the curse remains unknown, but its existence has long centered around 3 popular fan theories:

1. The introduction of 'Lil Red as a mascot

2. The retirement of "Blonde Herbie" and the introduction of his replacement "Stupid Herbie No One Likes"

3. The firing of Frank Solich

UNL seems to be trying to cover all of its bases and addressing all 3 possible sources in one fell swoop. When asked if he really, truly believes in the curse, Alberts replied.

"I've been in my position here for one game. In that one game, we committed countless errors that never even crossed my mind as conceivably possible. Errors that I have literally never seen any team at any level commit." Alberts said. "It was enough to convince me that we have clearly upset some angry cosmic force in the universe who will only be satiated with buckets and buckets of blood."

When asked why Nebraska was waiting until halftime to break the curse, Alberts laughed.

"Come on guys, it's Fordham. I think we'll be fine for one more half. I mean, we've already hit rock bottom...right? Could you actually imagine us...oh...oh no...WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

Children 12 and under will be allowed on the field during the blood sacrifice to bathe in the blood after reciting the "Drug Free Pledge."

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