Tales from the Heart of Huskerland

LINCOLN- University of Nebraska President Hank Bounds and University of Nebraska-Lincoln Chancellor Ronnie Green announced the hiring of UNL's next director of athletics Thursday afternoon. After an extensive 10 minute Facebook search through the comments of the Husker's official page, Bounds and Green pulled the trigger on Omaha resident Bruce Dirkland. New UNL Athletic Director Bruce Dirkland Dirkland (62) previously served as the manager of quality control at Factory Motor Parts. He's well known among Nebraska fans for his long-winded Facebook rants about how Nebraska football needs to develop a "winning culture" again. "In the 90's Nebraska showed up to every game with the intention to win," Dirkland said. "We would line up and pound it down their throats every gosh darn play. I just don't understand why we don't do that anymore." Dirkland is certainly an outside of the box hire, but president Bounds quickly assur...

I'm just going to come out and warn you now. This is not a funny blog post. Humor has always been a great way for me to deal with the eternal agony that is being a Nebraska fan in the post-championship era. I've always tried to maintain a good humor about the failings of Nebraska football to mask toddler inside of me who wants to pout and throw a tantrum. Sometimes that toddler version of me comes out and people probably laugh at me so it all works out in the end. But for the life of me I can't think of any jokes to make the pain of Nebraska's latest debacle go down any smoother. This is the most hopeless I've ever felt in my life as a Nebraska fan. I'm actually becoming afraid that I won't ever see even a conference title in my life time. Some people may think that's ridiculous, but every time we hit the re-set button, the chance for a conference title becomes 5-10 years further away. Nebraska's in it's second longest conference title drough...

It's that time of year again. The air is turning cooler, the leaves are turning brown and the sound of fingers angrily clacking on keyboards fills the air. It seems to come earlier every year. Yes, it's pitchforks and torches season in Nebraska once again. Fire Everybody!!! Yes, pitchforks and torches season is an annual rite here in Nebraska. Many of Nebraska's youth get their first taste of manhood hurling a proverbial javelin through the gut of the current coach or AD. Why the first one I can easily remember is the infamous Black Friday in 2001. And of course I lived through what is perhaps the greatest pitchforks and torches season there ever was in the fall of 2007. And oh yes, I was definitely among those partaking in the great tradition last year after that hell-on-earth performance against Ohio State. In my mind I remember flipping a few cars, smashing a few windows and skewering a few fools on the edge of my pitch fork on social media last fall. Then again,...

Yes, the day after a Nebraska loss always sucks, but that doesn't mean your Sunday has to be wasted. Here's 5 ways you can turn your anger and frustration into productivity! 1. Attempt to Assassinate Kim Jung Un Look, I’m not saying you’ll succeed, but imagine if over 1 million Huskers fans tried to kill Kim Jung Un EVERY time Nebraska lost? Don’t you think we’d get him eventually? Judging by recent history, that’s at least 4 attempts per year. Heck, if we’d been doing this sooner, the last 2 seasons definitely would have killed him! Hey, we may have lost but at least we prevented nuclear war. They don’t call us the greatest fans in college football for nothing! 2. Go on Amazon and write a really bad review for M Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender Yes, anyone who’s seen this movie already knows it’s horrible and has probably already written at least a dozen terrible reviews online, but we must keep spreading the word! We can’t risk even one more person falling vict...

Full Disclaimer: I've never seen a single episode of Friday Night Lights. Now here's a few predictions for Nebraska's season opener today against Arkansas State Someone shows up in clear pants to protest the new clear bag policy. The university thinks this is a terrific idea and instantly mandates a new policy requiring all clothes be completely clear. You know, for security.  Twitter explodes after Tanner Lee's first completion, declaring him the next Tom Brady. Twitter explodes after Tanner Lee's first incompletion, declaring him the most over-hyped QB in the history of college football.  After the game Bob Diaco announces his retirement from football to pursue a TV role to play "Dr. Diaco," an evil genius in a new show about an unlikely and diverse group of kids who always manages to thwart his evil plans while learning lessons on the power of friendship in the process.  And Dr. Diaco would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for tho...

Dear Lord, While we thank you for the return of the most glorious season you have ever bestowed upon your children, we ask you to please be with our brothers and sisters in red who are unable to watch a game because of a wedding. We ask you to grant them the strength to endure the unendurable. Please comfort those whose friends or family lacked the common sense to schedule their weddings during the summer or at least during the bye week. Lord we ask that the wedding ceremonies tomorrow be short and merciful. Please grant your children in red success in their attempts to catch the game on their phones during the ceremony or at the reception. Please forgive those who made the unfortunate mistake of scheduling their wedding during one of the 12-14 most important days of the year, for they did not intend harm upon their family and friends. Please grant their friends and family the power of forgiveness as well. Grant them the clairvoyance to at least add several big screen, hig...