Yes, the day after a Nebraska loss always sucks, but that doesn't mean your Sunday has to be wasted. Here's 5 ways you can turn your anger and frustration into productivity!
1. Attempt to Assassinate Kim Jung Un
2. Go on Amazon and write a really bad review for M Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender
3. Go to the Henry Doorly Zoo to point and laugh at the lemurs
4. Build an elaborate Labyrinth complete with puzzles, death traps and predators
5. Help a disgruntled twenty-something who’s trying to find his twin separated at birth
1. Attempt to Assassinate Kim Jung Un
- Look, I’m not saying you’ll succeed, but imagine if over 1 million Huskers fans tried to kill Kim Jung Un EVERY time Nebraska lost? Don’t you think we’d get him eventually? Judging by recent history, that’s at least 4 attempts per year. Heck, if we’d been doing this sooner, the last 2 seasons definitely would have killed him! Hey, we may have lost but at least we prevented nuclear war. They don’t call us the greatest fans in college football for nothing!
2. Go on Amazon and write a really bad review for M Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender
- Yes, anyone who’s seen this movie already knows it’s horrible and has probably already written at least a dozen terrible reviews online, but we must keep spreading the word! We can’t risk even one more person falling victim to this train wreck of a film. You don’t even have to have seen it to do this. Just go on Amazon, give it 1 star and rant incoherently about Eichorst or something.
3. Go to the Henry Doorly Zoo to point and laugh at the lemurs
- If you ask me, the lemurs at the zoo have been getting a little too cocky recently. They think they’re such hot stuff just because they live in what is perhaps the greatest zoo in the world. But let’s be honest, no one goes to the zoo to see the freaking lemurs! It’s time we put these cocky stripy-tailed snots back in their place.
4. Build an elaborate Labyrinth complete with puzzles, death traps and predators
- It’s an activity for the whole family! It will be hard to think about that horrible first half when you’re trying to figure out how to get your family over a ravine full of lava while there’s a pack of autonomous kill-bots hot on your tail. Plus if you design it just right, it will take about a week to complete so when you finally get out, BAM! More football!
5. Help a disgruntled twenty-something who’s trying to find his twin separated at birth
- Rumor has it that the estranged and eccentric Uncle Craig snuck into the maternity ward shortly after the delivery and tattooed a map on each of the boy’s shoulders before kidnapped the twin. The twenty-something swears that if you put the two maps together it will lead you to Uncle Craig’s hidden treasure and he has promised you this treasure if you help him. The treasure, of course, is the lifetime supply of instant-pasta Uncle Craig won during a game show in the ‘80s.
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