Skip to main content

We'll Only Ever 2020 Once (Hopefully). Enjoy the Weirdness.

One day this will all make a good story. I promise.

The Big Ten will soon join in on a college football season that no living person had ever previously encountered. That's kind of cool in a super messed-up way, right?

One day we'll be telling our children, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren about that crazy season when Nebraska played a full season in an empty stadium surrounded by an army of lifeless, unmoving cardboard cutouts of grandma and dogs. Lots and lots of human-sized dogs.

At the very least Northwestern players will get to tell their kids about that time they actually got to play home games with crowd noise, even if it was just artificially piped in.

Isn't that worth something?

I've found in my ancient life-experience of 26 years, the hard times, the weird times, and the unorthodox times are often the most interesting to look back on and tell stories about. Life's all about finding the silver lining. Strictly speaking football here, some of my favorite Nebraska football memories to reminisce on aren't the standard, run off the mill Saturdays when I went to Lincoln to tailgate and watch the game.

No, I like to remember times like my high school football team played a Thursday game at the same time Nebraska was playing Kansas State in 2010. It royally pissed me off in the moment, but now, with some tongue-in-cheek fondness, I remember scrambling to get changed after our game so I could get home to watch the recording of the Nebraska game on the DVR before some idiot blabbered about the score. 

Unfortunately for me, the allure of the marinara covered cardboard that passed as post-game pizza served in the cafeteria was too great to overcome. So I cautiously wandered upstairs only to find, to my horror, that the Nebraska game was still going and was on every TV in the cafeteria. Thankfully, I was able to shield my eyes with a shirt before I could see the score, thus allowing me to grab a slice and make a break for the door before the game was spoiled. A teammate and I then drove home with our phones turned off and we were able to successfully catch the game about three hours after everyone else. 

Would I ever want to experience a game like that ever again? 

Hell no. 

But was there something strangely cool about screaming Taylor Martinez on as he gashed K-State for an 80 yard touchdown at 1:00 AM? 

Absolutely.

So will I ever want another Nebraska football season quite like this one? 

I'd ask that you please light me on fire before I ever asked for that. But will I be laughing at the Kevin Warren memes? Will I chuckle when I remember the sports journalists who spent over a month endlessly praising the Big Ten's decision to cancel only to be forced to do a sudden, spineless 180 when the Big Ten announced its return? Will I annoy the crap out of some unsuspecting child of mine someday with stories of some weird-ass season that happened too long ago for them to care?

Absolutely.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BREAKTHROUGH: After Decades of 'N is for Knowledge,' World's Scientists Announce Creation of 2nd Nebraska Joke

After over four decades of milking the exact same joke about Nebraska football, the world's top scientists in every major field of research have come together to announce the creation of a 2nd joke. The original joke simply proclaims the 'N' on the side of Nebraska's football helmet stands for 'Knowledge.' They announced this breakthrough was the culmination of 10 years of collaborative research and over $250 billion spent. "Normally we'd spend that kind of time and resources on medical advances, technological breakthroughs, more efficient methods of engineering and manufacturing, but this joke had just gotten so stale. We eventually came to the conclusion that the best possible service we could do for society was to help them out of this rut," world-renowned quantum theorist Alain Aspect said. "I mean, come on! The joke doesn't even make sense. By the very structure of the joke, the joke teller is the one insisting the N stands for knowle...
Post a Comment
Read more

Lil' Red in Concussion Protocol after Jumping on Head

Lincoln, NE - The Nebraska football team will be without it's beloved inflatable toddler as it opens fall camp next week. The (Faux)maha World-Herald has confirmed Lil' Red has entered concussion protocol after multiple incidents of bouncing on his own head with absolutely no protection or safety equipment. It's been a rough offseason for Lil' Red, who has just finished recovering from multiple stab wounds received from a sect of deranged fans who believe that "sacrificing" the mascot would "break the curse" on Nebraska football. Lil' Red is entering his 20th season of eligibility for the Huskers and was expected to contribute as the 2nd man in the mascot tandem-bike routine.  "It'll just be the next man up," Frost told reporters on Wednesday. Corn Cob Man is expected to go into fall camp as the starter. He hasn't seen game action for a few decades, but he's been "hungry" for his shot, he told reporters. "Sorr...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nebraska Fan Who Vowed in 2018 to Never Eat Wendy's Again Enjoys Juicy Baconator For Lunch in 2025

 LINCOLN, NE - Local Nebraska fan Mark Meiwards, who declared on September 22nd, 2018, that he would never eat at Wendy's again after their official Twitter account made fun of Scott Frost, is currently enjoying a juicy baconator for lunch. Sources close to Meiwards claim the empty threat was forgotten within days and was promptly replaced by whatever other "stupid f&*#ing internet outrage of the week" came next.  "I dunno, there was probably some Facebook story about the government using gay frogs to poison our water supply or something like that that occupied his attention next," said his son Chuck. "We went out for Frostys later that week." This isn't the first time Meiwards has forgotten a boycott soon after it began, according to Chuck.  "He's tried boycotting Oreos, Bud Light, any movie starring Jim Carrey, the Shriners for some reason," said Chuck. "The longest he's ever made it was after the kneeling controversy i...
Post a Comment
Read more