Tales from the Heart of Huskerland

After over four decades of milking the exact same joke about Nebraska football, the world's top scientists in every major field of research have come together to announce the creation of a 2nd joke. The original joke simply proclaims the 'N' on the side of Nebraska's football helmet stands for 'Knowledge.' They announced this breakthrough was the culmination of 10 years of collaborative research and over $250 billion spent. "Normally we'd spend that kind of time and resources on medical advances, technological breakthroughs, more efficient methods of engineering and manufacturing, but this joke had just gotten so stale. We eventually came to the conclusion that the best possible service we could do for society was to help them out of this rut," world-renowned quantum theorist Alain Aspect said. "I mean, come on! The joke doesn't even make sense. By the very structure of the joke, the joke teller is the one insisting the N stands for knowle...

Lincoln, NE - After finding yet another Rock Bottom last week at Illinois, Nebraska football finds itself growing increasingly desperate to break the almost 2 decade curse that has befallen the program. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln announced this week that former Nebraska head coach Frank Solich would be returning to Memorial Stadium to perform a blood sacrifice of 'Lil Red while dressed as the original fan favorite "Blonde Herbie" during halftime of the Fordham game.  "We thank 'Lil Red and the unfortunate student scheduled to play him this Saturday for their long service to this university," said new UNL Athletic Director Trev Alberts in a statement released on Friday. "But these are desperate times and 'Lil Red was always kind of stupid anyway." The source of the curse remains unknown, but its existence has long centered around 3 popular fan theories: 1. The introduction of 'Lil Red as a mascot 2. The retirement of "Blonde Her...

Dirk Chatelain already took the snappy name. In his recent column , he referred to the generation born after the Osborne Era as "Generation Hex." He wrote about about how he was struck by what diehard fans this generation is despite growing up on such terrible football.  I'm not sure if I completely belong to that generation as I have a few wispy memories of Nebraska greatness. My first Nebraska game ever was the 1998 Orange Bowl. My family also went to the 2002 Rose Bowl. I was seven years old at the time and took it all for granted. But hey, I know a lot of 40-70 year olds who took it all for granted too. To put it bluntly, I was given the tiniest taste of greatness before being spoon-fed the Callahan Era. For me, that makes it easy to explain my diehardness, if that's even a word. I was given a taste, got addicted, and now there's no going back. I never really thought about people younger than me. I mean, yeah, I feel terrible for my 12 year old young nephew wh...

OPINION - There's a lot of talk going around Husker Nation lately that Kevin Warren is a tyrant who cancelled football season last year, covered up the conference vote, and attempted to skirt FOIA laws , but that's clearly just a crackpot conspiracy theory. Please knock if off before he decides us to punish us even more than he already has. I mean did you see that stat last year about Nebraska not getting holding calls? The man was clearly punishing us for raising such a ruckus last fall. 16 - Iowa 21 - Illinois 48 - Maryland 53 - Rutgers 53 - Indiana 55 - Minnesota 60 - Purdue 70 - Northwestern 96 - Penn State 121 - Michigan 141 - Ohio State 150 - Wisconsin 274 - Michigan State 574 - Nebraska # of snaps since last holding call against opponent. From Huskeronline — Lane Whitcomb (@bigtenhusker11) December 1, 2020 So why would we want to make that mistake again with all this "tyrant" talk? Do you even realize how powerful that man is and what he could possibly do t...

I made that meme this summer and it's already outdated! Texas is gonna Texas and Bevo unnecessarily throwing a wrench into everything is a sure sign that college football is almost back again. Of course this time they really outdid themselves, effectively killing their 3rd conference in less than 30 years and raising serious questions about the future structure of college football. Is the era of Super Conferences and the NFL Jr. upon us? Well yes. And no. And maybe. And I don't know. What I do know is that college football will prevail. Call it a gut feeling. These things usually tend to work themselves out.  The idea of a "Super Conference" isn't even a new one. In fact, a Super Conference already existed in college football. In the early 1930s, the Southern Conference's membership ballooned to 23 members, effectively a giant combination of future SEC and ACC teams. The structure of the Southern Conference had become too unwieldy and several members broke off...

Twitter, USA - A college football fan with absolutely no self-awareness declared there was nothing else to do in the state of Nebraska after seeing that many Nebraskans like college football. "Theirs nothing else too do their lol," read the fan's grammatical train-wreck of a response to a tweet showing Nebraska's Memorial Stadium full on a Fall Saturday. When reached for comment, the college football fan, whose profile picture is a selfie of him at a college football game, elaborated on why he thinks people who go to college football games clearly have nothing else going on in their lives. "I mean why would anyone want to spend their Saturday watching college football? I guess when it's a choice between that or staring at corn, I'd choose to watch college football too," said the man who consistently chooses to watch college football over the much more interesting things he apparently has to do around him. Despite the massive evidence to the contrary,...

Chicago, IL - In response to questions about when the schedule would drop for the upcoming Big Ten baseball season, commissioner Kevin Warren assured reporters that a schedule would be arriving soon in March 2023.  "This conference is dedicated to efficiency, transparency, and doing right by our student athletes." Kevin Warren said via his Zoom press conference before being interrupted by the off-screen laughter of his staff. "I'm proud of the effort this conference has made in allowing our non-revenue generating student athletes a chance to even compete at all." Warren continued, adding that they should be groveling at his feet and thanking him for getting anything at all. Reporters from the Athletic were quick to agree with Warren. "It's ridiculous to even think conducting a season would even be on a sports conference's top 10 list of priorities," Nicole Auerbach, covering college baseball for some reason, tweeted in a thread shortly after th...