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REPORT: Player's Entire Character Dependent on Whether He's Transferring In or Out


According to a groundbreaking new study conducted in a random Twitter user's head, a player's core character traits such as loyalty, integrity, class, and work ethic are determined by one simple factor: Whether that player is transferring away from your favorite school or to your favorite school.

"I've been observing this data my entire life," says the man who last stepped foot on a football field in junior high, "and it's astonishing. The algorithm has been correct 100% of the time. There has never been a single deviation." 

When asked what the difference between the two was, the man explained that players transferring into your favorite school are human beings with complicated stories coming from tough and unfair situations. 

"We as fans often don't know the full story, so it's important to be understanding and compassionate. Everyone deserves a second chance," he said. "On the other hand, any player transferring from our great school is an absolute son of a b**** who is soft, entitled, and has been pampered his entire life. He has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever."

The Twitter user, who has "follower of Christ" in his bio, said any player transferring from his school deserves no forgiveness or compassion. 

"I live my life as Christ has instructed me. I firmly believe in treating my neighbor as myself. Since these kids are no longer residing in this state - and thus no longer my neighbors - I say f*** them kids!"

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