Tales from the Heart of Huskerland

Fansville, USA - According to a groundbreaking new study conducted in a random Twitter user's head, a player's core character traits such as loyalty, integrity, class, and work ethic are determined by one simple factor: Whether that player is flipping his commitment away from your school or flipping his commitment to your school. "I've been observing this data my entire life," says the man who last stepped foot on a football field in junior high, "and it's astonishing. The algorithm has been correct 100% of the time. There has never been a single deviation."  When asked what the difference between the two was, the man explained that players flipping to his school are human beings with complicated stories who are simply doing what is best for them. "We as fans often don't know the full story, so it's important to be understanding and compassionate. Everyone deserves a second chance," he said. "On the other hand, any player flipp...

Lincoln, NE - The Nebraska football team will be without it's beloved inflatable toddler as it opens fall camp next week. The (Faux)maha World-Herald has confirmed Lil' Red has entered concussion protocol after multiple incidents of bouncing on his own head with absolutely no protection or safety equipment. It's been a rough offseason for Lil' Red, who has just finished recovering from multiple stab wounds received from a sect of deranged fans who believe that "sacrificing" the mascot would "break the curse" on Nebraska football. Lil' Red is entering his 20th season of eligibility for the Huskers and was expected to contribute as the 2nd man in the mascot tandem-bike routine.  "It'll just be the next man up," Frost told reporters on Wednesday. Corn Cob Man is expected to go into fall camp as the starter. He hasn't seen game action for a few decades, but he's been "hungry" for his shot, he told reporters. "Sorr...

According to a groundbreaking new study conducted in a random Twitter user's head, a player's core character traits such as loyalty, integrity, class, and work ethic are determined by one simple factor: Whether that player is transferring away from your favorite school or to your favorite school. "I've been observing this data my entire life," says the man who last stepped foot on a football field in junior high, "and it's astonishing. The algorithm has been correct 100% of the time. There has never been a single deviation."  When asked what the difference between the two was, the man explained that players transferring into your favorite school are human beings with complicated stories coming from tough and unfair situations.  "We as fans often don't know the full story, so it's important to be understanding and compassionate. Everyone deserves a second chance," he said. "On the other hand, any player transferring from our gre...

College baseball returns this week! Somebody wake up Kevin Warren and remind him that baseball is a sport that the Big Ten does, in fact, compete in. In the meantime, let's take a look at and rank the complete afterthoughts some members of this conference threw together when they remembered they had baseball teams. And yes, the word "stadiums" is a bit generous for some teams in this conference, but bear with me. And hey, in the last decade some members of this conference decided to actually start taking baseball seriously and built some stadiums that would be the envy of your local little leaguers. 14. Wisconsin Stadium Name: None Capacity: 0 Opened: Never Wisconsin cut their baseball program in 1991 due to budget constraints. This was very lame and they are the only Big Ten program without a baseball program. Since 1991, they have finished dead last in the conference every single season, except for the cancelled 2020 season, where they finished tied for last with every ...