Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2019

That Time I Started a Nebraska Football Rumor and Made Everything Better

Yeah, this never happened. Obviously. Starting or spreading a rumor has never, ever improved a situation or benefited anyone. What makes you think this time is any different? Grow up.

It's just a Game. A Beautiful Game that Means Everything.

It's just a game. I always detested that phrase. Imprudently shoved in your face by a bewildered family member or someone else close to you who just doesn't get this whole Nebraska football obsession or why it's cause for so much agony and vitriol. I hated that phrase because there's some truth to it. But also because it's horribly wrong. Completely and totally 100 percent false. This phrase frustrated me endlessly and I didn't quite know how to explain why. It is just a game. That is technically true. But Nebraska fandom is a far cry from a game of checkers. A simple game does not foster such a large, organic community of people that share such a powerful common interest. A common interest that instantly makes friends out of strangers and breaks down barriers. Sports fandom is the only thing I've ever encountered in my entire life that gets Republicans and Democrats to actually get along for a few hours. And some think it's just a game. A c...

Nebraska's Only True Rivalry Trophy (Screw You Hy-Vee)

Sometime in the 2030s...  "Dad, tell me again about the Hy-Vee Heroes Trophy!" "Well son. Once upon a time Hy-Vee's marketing team decided they wanted to..." BOORRRRRRRINNNNG.  Way to take all the fun out of a rivalry trophy. Trophies that only exist for the sole purpose of being fun. The $5 Bits of Broken Chair Trophy is the only real rivalry trophy Nebraska is playing for this season as far as I'm concerned. That's not a declaration of who Nebraska's rivals are, but a critique of the actual trophies themselves. The $5 Bits of Broken Chair Trophy is the only one that's actually fun. The only one that has a story behind it worth telling. Not only does it have a great origin story, the bizarre nature of it demands its telling every time someone new hears about it. What a freaking crazy concept for a rivalry trophy, right? And don't get me wrong. I appreciate the gesture of the Heroes Trophy to honor heroes from both Iowa and N...

Tales from the Heart of Chicagoland

"There were just Cornhusker people. Cornhusker people everywhere." In Chicago for my company's annual meeting about a year ago, one of my Chicago colleagues tried to describe her one time being in Lincoln, Nebraska, which so happened to be a game-day. The exact quote sticks vividly in my mind because of the way she described it. The thousand yard stare (which I admit is probably my memory being hyperbolic) she wore on her face was priceless as she attempted to put the Sea of Red into words, describing it as if she were in the middle of a horror movie in which the protagonist has to wade their way through a swarm of rabies infected rats to get out of the cellar. I don't consider that an insult to Husker fans. I get it. She doesn't care a lick about sports and the horror of unexpectedly having to wade your way through one of the biggest crowds you've ever seen in your life in the middle of Lincoln, Nebraska of all places makes it a damn funny comparison. ...

College Football Video Games: Why They Mattered

On July 9, 2013 I walked out of the GameStop on 180th & West Center in Omaha with a brand new copy of NCAA Football 2014 for the Xbox 360 completely oblivious to the fact that the end of this series I had adored for over a decade was right around the corner. I had a policy of only buying the game every other year. Minor changes from year to year didn't seem to justify shelling out $60 every single year, but after 2 years there were generally enough new features and updates to justify another purchase. That and I didn't enjoy having to restart my dynasty after just one year. So it was just through dumb luck that my personal policy happened to align with me buying the very last game in the series. For years there had been rumblings about the series being cancelled or at least being put on hiatus for a few years. But it never really felt like it would actually happen. I figured EA would reach settlements with those suing them over likeness issues and at worst maybe they...

Des Moines Register Clarifies: "Our own self-righteousness is more important than sick kids." (Satire)

Des Moines, IA - Facing immense criticism for surfacing 7 year-old tweets from football fan Carson King after he successfully raised over $1.3 million for a children's hospital, the Des Moines Register issued a press release on its website and social media channels defending their actions. You can read the full press-release below: "We deeply appreciate the generosity of King to donate the entirety of the immense sum of money he came into out of the blue to the University of Iowa's Stead Children's Hospital. However, while doing a routine background check one of our staff members came across two tweets featuring jokes made in poor taste over 7 years ago when King was 16. During an internal meeting to discuss the discovery, we had to ask ourselves: 'Is attempting to derail an incredible, spontaneous philanthropic effort that has raised over $1.3 million and counting for sick children over some primal lust for self-righteousness really worth it?' And the unan...

It's That Time of Year Again. Pitchforks and Torches Season (2019 Version)

It's that time of year again. The air is turning cooler, the leaves are turning brown and the sound of fingers angrily clacking on keyboards fills the air. It seems to come earlier every year. Yes, it's pitchforks and torches season in Nebraska once again. Fire Everybody!!! Yes, pitchforks and torches season is an annual rite here in Nebraska. Many of Nebraska's youth get their first taste of manhood hurling a proverbial javelin through the gut of the current coach or AD. Why the first one I can easily remember is the infamous Black Friday in 2001. And of course I lived through what is perhaps the greatest pitchforks and torches season there ever was in the fall of 2007. And oh yes, I was definitely among those partaking in the great tradition during the final year of the Riley Era. In my mind I remember flipping a few cars, smashing a few windows and skewering a few fools on the edge of my pitch fork on social media. Then again, my mind is probably a bit fuzzy on a...

Behave Yourselves Husker Fans. Don't Worry, I Know You Will

Perhaps "get your piss hot" was a poor choice of words for Garrett Nelson. In the proper context it makes sense and is a hilarious sound-bite. But.... I'm sure it brought back some unpleasant flashbacks, or should I say "splash-backs," (I'm so sorry) of balloons filled with hot Colorado piss and other fluids that are best left unmentioned. That's what happens when a coach decides it wants to be rivals and then proceeds to stoke the flames until fans take it WAY too far to the point where it's not even fun anymore. Rivalries are great. The back and forth trash talk is fun. But when it gets taken to the point of physical assault and people thinking "Hey, wouldn't it be hilarious if I covered that person with my bodily fluids?" they've taken it way too far and it's frankly disturbing they need to be told they've taken it too far. But if you're in Boulder this weekend, just remember to not stoop to their level. Hone...

The Wall

Walk into almost every sports field or arena and you'll see it. Banners hanging from a railing. Maybe it's a tarp stretched over a fence or numbers cut into bricks, but there's always a wall of some kind littered with numbers and years. Championships, conference titles, playoff appearances. Walk into any arena, find this wall and you instantly know everything you need to know about the history of that team. The era's of dominance, the droughts, even the "alright" years. Say you walk into the gym of a high school basketball team you've never heard of. A quick glance at this wall shows you they won state 4 times in the 70s. Then the next one isn't until 2002. The other sections tell you they won a few conference titles in the 80s & made the playoffs regularly. There was a drop-off, but they were doing alright. But then there's a huge void where the 90s should be. Nothing until that 2002 season. What you have is a snapshot of that team...

$5.8M in Brick Wall Related Damages Reported in Nebraska after Scott Frost Releases Hype Video

Lincoln, NE - The state of Nebraska is reeling Friday morning from devastation and destruction caused by a hype video released Thursday afternoon by Nebraska football head coach Scott Frost on Twitter, sending thousands of fans across the state sprinting straight through the nearest brick wall, severely threatening the structural integrity of countless buildings. pic.twitter.com/2BR8slArsW — Scott Frost (@coach_frost) June 20, 2019 "WHO YOU ARE SOME OF THE TIME IS WHO YOU ARE ALL OF THE TIME," screamed Hastings resident Derick Bachmeier as he plowed through the exterior wall of the local Russ' Market and straight into the produce section. Even residents as far as the Sand Hills found themselves caught up in the hype as Randy Grove, 64, drove over 45 minutes to find a brick wall to his liking with the specific intention of sprinting straight through it. "I mean sure there were some cavity brick walls nearby, as well as dry wall, wood paneling and all ...

So...A New (Unlicensed) College Football Video Game is Coming Out this September

About 2 months ago I wrote an article proposing what a college football video game could look like in today's world despite all of the player likeness & NCAA licensing issues going on. Click Here if you want to read that , but let's get to the meat of this article: So yes, it's true: Doug Flutie's Maximum Football 2019 will be the first college football video game released since NCAA Football 2014! This, in and of itself, is a phenomenal achievement and I tip my hat to the developer Canuck Play.  The game is coming out on PS4 and Xbox One with the following features: A 130 team US College Football Dynasty Mode (All generic teams and rosters) A 27 team Canadian College Football Dynasty Mode complete with Canadian football rules  A recruiting mode that partners with Phil Steele  Phil Steele branding will appear throughout the mode  Team, Uniform & Roster customization A logo editor to create custom logos for your team (or re-create exis...

A Funny Little Story about Brook's Legacy

In 2nd grade, so about 2002, I got in a fight in the middle of art class with a kid who said he didn't care Berringer had died. Now I was only a year & a half old when he died. I had no memory of actually seeing him play, but I grew up hearing stories about him. I heard about his selflessness, his humility, his strong faith & his eagerness to give back to the community. For this little punk (and lets be honest, he was just being your typical smart-ass 8 year old) to say he didn't care was unfathomable. Everyone I knew loved Brook! It had never even registered in my mind that someone could feel any other way. We even had this poster hanging in our basement. Look how awesome he is! So I got up and used my safety scissors to cut his art project to ribbons. My enraged teacher, Ms. Brown (a very appropriate name for an art teacher, by the way) told me to go pull a ticket, a method of punishment in which you start the day on green, but pull tickets from yellow, ...

How a College Football Video Game Could Work Today: A Proposal

Basic Premise Operating under the assumption that the NCAA wants nothing to do with college video games as it stands, this game will be an unlicensed game. No real universities, players, conferences or stadiums will ship with the game. Instead the game will ship with fictional universities, stadiums and conferences. However, there will be incredibly robust customization options for teams, players, stadiums, uniforms, conferences, post-season, etc. These customization systems will allow for image files such as logos to be uploaded. Using these customization systems, users will be able to re-create real universities, their uniforms, their players, their stadiums, their conferences and more. Users will then be able to upload these re-created universities to file-share for all users to download for free. Considering the enormous community that currently updates the rosters for NCAA Football 2014 , it’s certainly feasible that a sizable community would be eager & willing to ess...