Christine Brennan Calls Today "Darkest Day in Banking History" After Being Charged ATM Fee

Washington, DC - Standing visibly frustrated in front of an ATM, USA Today reporter Christine Brennan reared her head back and screamed into the sky, declaring today to be "the darkest day in banking history."

"A stunning and sad day," Brennan began typing out her next column in her phone. "The vaunted Wells Fargo became just another greedy capitalist enterprise. It choked. It got scared. It sold it's soul for a $3 usage fee."

Other customers waiting behind her in line for the ATM were quick to point out that Wells Fargo literally just had a huge scandal in 2015 where they created millions of fraudulent accounts on behalf of their clients without their consent.

"It was a huge scandal. All over the news. You couldn't miss it," the man behind her said. "Don't you think you're being a tad hyperbolic?"

Several other people waiting in line were quick to jump in as well. "Even if you forgot about the Wells Fargo scandal, how can you say there hasn't been a worse scandal?" One woman asked. "This thing you're upset about isn't even a scandal! The 2008 mortgage crisis, the 1929 bank crash, JP Morgan and the 'London Whale' scheme, that time Bank of America worked an intern to death. Is this the first time you've heard of any of these? There's honestly too many real scandals to count."

Brennan was quick to pull out a large, white sheet that read "You're Blocked" from her purse, which she held up as a barrier between her and the long line of critics that had formed behind her. She then scurried off to her next appointment, an appearance on CNN to discuss the unfathomable scandal.

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Tales from the Heart of Huskerland

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