Skip to main content

"Hot Mic" Named Most Accurate College Football Reporter

 Lincoln, NE - After the Big Ten Conference's announcement reinstating a fall football season, the "Hot Mic" in Lincoln, Neb. that first broke the story has been named the nation's most accurate college football reporter by literally everyone. The proclamation comes after months of frustration stemming from professional national college football reporters continuously reporting false information in every way, shape, and form while hiding behind anonymous sources.

The Hot Mic was able to gain an open interview with University of Nebraska President Ted Carter Tuesday morning in which Carter confirmed the Big Ten would announce their decision regarding a fall season later that night. Readers were impressed with Hot Mic's ability to cut to the chase, securing the quote in a little under 20 seconds.

The official announcement actually came early Wednesday morning, causing some to question Hot Mic's accuracy, but it soon became apparent the official announcement was originally supposed to come Tuesday night after all. The pre-recorded intro to the Big Ten's announcement on BTN began with host Kerry Kenny using the word "tonight," providing a clear indication Carter's quote was initially correct and causing some speculation the Big Ten deliberately delayed the announcement to make Carter and Hot Mic's report incorrect.

Reporters around the nation were quick to take pot shots at the Hot Mic, including notable conspiracy theorist Pat Forde, but the Hot Mic's spotless reporting record speaks for itself. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

BREAKTHROUGH: After Decades of 'N is for Knowledge,' World's Scientists Announce Creation of 2nd Nebraska Joke

After over four decades of milking the exact same joke about Nebraska football, the world's top scientists in every major field of research have come together to announce the creation of a 2nd joke. The original joke simply proclaims the 'N' on the side of Nebraska's football helmet stands for 'Knowledge.' They announced this breakthrough was the culmination of 10 years of collaborative research and over $250 billion spent. "Normally we'd spend that kind of time and resources on medical advances, technological breakthroughs, more efficient methods of engineering and manufacturing, but this joke had just gotten so stale. We eventually came to the conclusion that the best possible service we could do for society was to help them out of this rut," world-renowned quantum theorist Alain Aspect said. "I mean, come on! The joke doesn't even make sense. By the very structure of the joke, the joke teller is the one insisting the N stands for knowle...

To Break Nebraska Football Curse, Frank Solich to Sacrifice 'Lil Red at Halftime of Fordham Game

Lincoln, NE - After finding yet another Rock Bottom last week at Illinois, Nebraska football finds itself growing increasingly desperate to break the almost 2 decade curse that has befallen the program. The University of Nebraska-Lincoln announced this week that former Nebraska head coach Frank Solich would be returning to Memorial Stadium to perform a blood sacrifice of 'Lil Red while dressed as the original fan favorite "Blonde Herbie" during halftime of the Fordham game.  "We thank 'Lil Red and the unfortunate student scheduled to play him this Saturday for their long service to this university," said new UNL Athletic Director Trev Alberts in a statement released on Friday. "But these are desperate times and 'Lil Red was always kind of stupid anyway." The source of the curse remains unknown, but its existence has long centered around 3 popular fan theories: 1. The introduction of 'Lil Red as a mascot 2. The retirement of "Blonde Her...

$5.8M in Brick Wall Related Damages Reported in Nebraska after Scott Frost Releases Hype Video

Lincoln, NE - The state of Nebraska is reeling Friday morning from devastation and destruction caused by a hype video released Thursday afternoon by Nebraska football head coach Scott Frost on Twitter, sending thousands of fans across the state sprinting straight through the nearest brick wall, severely threatening the structural integrity of countless buildings. pic.twitter.com/2BR8slArsW — Scott Frost (@coach_frost) June 20, 2019 "WHO YOU ARE SOME OF THE TIME IS WHO YOU ARE ALL OF THE TIME," screamed Hastings resident Derick Bachmeier as he plowed through the exterior wall of the local Russ' Market and straight into the produce section. Even residents as far as the Sand Hills found themselves caught up in the hype as Randy Grove, 64, drove over 45 minutes to find a brick wall to his liking with the specific intention of sprinting straight through it. "I mean sure there were some cavity brick walls nearby, as well as dry wall, wood paneling and all ...